Saturday, October 14, 2006

Whatever happened to...

For the last few months I've been spending a significantly large majority of my time at home with Gus learning how to be a mom. My life has dramatically changed in many ways - of which I can't even begin to try to put into words. But, one aspect that has been brought to my attention recently is the pace - my life is slower, it is more gentle, I live more delicately. Now that Gus is almost 4 months old I have started a job at home processing loans again. With this new job I have suddenly been thrown back into the fast-paced, teeth-clenching, and I must say, sometimes, unvirtuous business world. The contrast is a bit frightening. I find it difficult at times to keep that motherly meekness while worrying about emails, faxes, underwriters, numbers. I've found myself asking the question, "Whatever happened to?"

Whatever happened to patience?
I could go on and on about patience-everybody needs more patience. Gus has taught me a few somethings about patience. He isn't going to fall asleep until he's ready, for one - Even if it takes all night. The crying. And, eating - eating is something that takes practice in the beginning (for me and for Gus). My fews months of being a parent have taught me more about patience than I've learned in my whole life thus far I dare say.

Now look at the way we drive. (I'm not excluded). I'm not even going into the driving issues that we are faced with - you know exactly what I'm talking about. I'll just say this: everyone is in a hurry - speeding, swerving lanes, cutting off. There is no enjoying the journey going on - there is an attitude of "get-me-where-I-need-to-be-now- hurry, out of my way. I don't have time for this." Again, patience.

What about the way we spend money. My parent's generation practiced the art of saving money - Which, I am convinced, is now a dying or dead art. Today in 2006, we practice spending - and it really is an art. We spend everything we have, money we don't have yet, and money we'll never have. I can't decide if it is more an obsession of spending or an obsession with stuff- materialism. We need whatever it is we want and we want it right now. I'm not going to wait 2 months, 3 months, a year! to save up - I will buy it now and pay double for it in interest in the future. (Which reminds me of this quote I had sitting on my dresser all through middle school and high school -Don't trade what you want most for what you want at the moment. )

This whirlwind we live in could use more motherliness. We could all benefit from more softness, gentleness, kindness, charity, lovliness, virtue, and of course more patience. I know I could. I hope I can bring these things into my home, if not the world, for Gus.