I never looked out that window

i never looked out that window
like i did when i was waiting for my mother
to come home from the grocery store that morning

i had received a phone call from the primary president
she wanted me to speak in church
i was terrified

my mother comforted me
and consoled me - never once falling for my irrational excuses
of why i could not get up in front of the group of 30 kids
and perform

she helped me prepare.
i tend to be a procrastinator
but my mom convinced me the more i practiced the easier it would be

i practiced that talk probably 25 times
when my grandparents came over
i would run through it with them, friends
and of course my mom heard that talk the most

on sunday morning i got up earlier than usual
read through the talk again
and got dressed
i folded the precious white piece of paper - my lifeline
and put it neatly and carefully on the kid-size picnic table
i used as a desk

when it came time to leave for church
i picked up the folded paper with my talked scribed inside
and went to church.

soon i was up on the stand
waiting for my turn
when prompted i stepped up to the podium
unfolded the peice of paper and started to read

except
this was not the talk i had practiced so many time the week before
this was something totally different

i read about 8 words in and realized the mix-up
where was my talk? what was this imposter posing as my own white folded paper
i stood paralized in front of the audience
it was the first and only time i would ever witness every child silent

standing there
i found my mom's face in the crowd and i looked at her
trying to explain what had happened
using only the pleading of my eyes
help me. my eyes were repeating

looking back time seems to have stood still
who knows how long i stood in silence and shock
but i did finally just walk away, down the steps and back to the seat
next to my mother

she motioned to me
as if asking what was going on
i just opened up the paper, she read
she understood

i never did find out what happened to my talk
is it possible that my mother set me up?